The Bucket List

Have you ever heard of the “bucket list” ??

Over the years I have heard about the bucket list. I read about the bucket list and over time my desire to have one was increasingly on the rise, until one day somebody in the middle of our conversation asked me: “Is that on your bucket list?” I shrunk and with the small voice of a guilty child and I replied: “I do not have a bucket list.” My heart shrunk under the heavy glaze of my companion’s eyes, who in that time I perceived, a leading expert in his field and I desperately needed his help and support, while my rebel nature screamed in my head: “What f@en bulls@#t!! I needed help not a stupid bucket list!!”. I felt small. I felt yucky. I felt angry. I felt frustrated. I felt stupid and above everything, once again I felt dismissed and deeply neglected. But I also felt the roar of determination to once and for all, get my head around what I wanted to achieve and to learn what truly is a bucket list.

I went home and picked up all my books from my small home library that I read the ones that I remembered mentioned the bucket list. I read all the articles on the Internet that I could find. I did not have time to thank myself for my elephant memory, my research skills and ability to read fast, I was on a mission and I wanted results and a result I found.

According to my research the bucket list is:
a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime.

Simply, the bucket list is our wish to fulfill our desired dreams before we cross over or if you prefer, die. With this explanation written everywhere, I could not force myself to sit and write the list myself. I simply could not write that list. I could not.

However, one sunny Sunday about four years ago when the sky was clear blue, I drove myself to the Gold Coast to look at the depth of the ocean and find answers that I was desperately searching for inside of me. I found a quiet place at the Coombabah River, observing the bridges, looking at the water that easily and effortlessly passed by. I was breathing in the smell of nature. In that moment I was just being.

I don’t remember how long I sat there, but I clearly remembered that I picked up my diary and pen from my bag and started to write what places I wanted to visit, what stuff I wanted to have and who I wanted to become. I did not think about my circumstances. I did not think about the impossibilities or possibilities of my desires. I did not think what others would perceive or not about my personal wishes. I simply purged onto paper everything that I wanted. I was not attached to the outcome. I honestly think I did not feel anything except the urge to express myself to somebody or something and my diary become my refuge. Without realising, I made the best bucket list on the planet, at least in my personal opinion, and finally I understood what a bucket list truly is.

Not long ago I stumbled across my bucket list and was shocked to rediscover that most of my wishes from that list have already fulfilled. And yes I am and I always will be a work in progress, but today I clearly understood when my desires are not attached to my wishful outcome and/or my desires comes from a place of pure, clear positive intention without any doubt or fear, then and only then my dreams come true. And yes I promise you that I will understand if you do not get your head around this story, because please remember not long ago I did not clearly understand myself either….❤️🌟

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